A Special Aunt Remembered - My oh my

Ruth Silverson Nelson McKay Lumbert is a very long name but she fit it.  Aunty Ruth aka Aunty Rufus was the 7th of 8 children and the last of her generation to pass away in my dad's family and she did so at the age of 98.  Her and Uncle Edwin had no children but all her nieces and nephews were her children.  She looked after each and everyone one of us in her own way.  She influenced us as well and showed us what was possible.  She gave us so many fond memories that we looked upon and laughed about yesterday at and after her funeral.   Yesterday I finally had the chance to meet some cousins that I had no met yet and do the drive up to Bellingham for her funeral.  During the trip we compared the memories and many of them were the same.  My parents came down for it as well and then afterwards along with her long time friend Paul and his wife we went out to lunch at one of her favorite places.  As we entered all dressed up the waitress asked me what was the occasion? I answered a celebration.  A celebration of life and briefly explained that we had just had our great aunt's funeral and were there to remember her.  Which we definitely did as we laughed and smiled over the meal.  We were celebrating her life and this was the way she would have wanted it. 

I have not shed a tear until now for a woman that made a very large impact on my life..  But as I write this the realization that she is no longer gracing our world and our lives with her presence the tears have started to fall.  I have regrets that I had not seen her in years and that she had not seen the kids either, but I believe that is because I did not want to see her in a nursing home she had been placed in. Part of me I think, did not want to admit she was getting older, that while the sparkle could have still been in her eyes and she could still make us laugh I wanted my final image of her to be who she was before.  The fantastic woman who lived in that little old house on Alderwood, packed to the rafters with linens and other treasures, tea cups & spoons from around the world, listened to the Seattle Mariners game playing a game, us sitting at the table playing crib (with Uncle Edwin smacking the hand if you touched the cards before they were finished being dealt),  the Fruit Loops in the cupboard hidden away and the shelves of the garage stocked with all the canned & bottled goods she had and we meaned STOCKED especially with those dill pickles she was famous for.  

The memory of the station wagon that I swear was really where Tim Horton's got the saying "filled to the rim" because it was, every time she came to visit us.  Of which we have no idea how she did it without getting caught because she could look straight at the Custom's guy in Blaine and say answer the question of "Do you have anything to declare?" with "No".  When she arrived it was like us kids had struck gold, for she brought up so many treats including the legendary huge Hershey chocolate bars that we could not get in Canada, clothes, school supplies, and who knows what else.  Then there was some of those goods from her garage, dill pickles, sauerkraut, dill pickles,  jams, dill pickles, red cabbage pickles, dill pickles, salmon, dill pickles green beans, and did I mean dill pickles? Her pickles were famous, everyone knows about them that knows her or us.  There is no comparison to them at all and no one can come close, even though I have the recipe for them it isn't the same.

Through Aunty Ruth I got the love of baseball.  She was a die hard Seattle Mariners fan the true fan that every team wishes they had, never letting go no matter what.  From the time they started up she had listened to every game or watched if it was on TV.  While listening/watching she kept stats on every play as it took place up until several years ago when she started to lose her sight.  She had the chance several times to go down and watch them live which she thought was the cat's meow.  Apparently behind her bed at the nursing home was a sign that said something along the lines of do not disturb when a game was on.  Ironically yesterday the Mariners played a game and it was right after her funeral they did not win which would have been nice, but what they did do was announce the trade of the long standing Mariner Inchiro to the New York Yankees who just happened to be playing that day.  I think in some ways it was a good thing it didn't happen until after she was laid to rest because I don't think she would have been happy at all... OR maybe she was and this was part of her last say in things as that is usually what she wanted and got!

So Aunty Ruth, you will be missed greatly but I want to say thank you for everything that you have done for us.  You will always be remembered when we buy the Hershey's bars (which my brother wants every time he comes here, or one of us goes up there); have a spoonful of Fruit Loops; compare the dill pickles to yours; use a recipe from your book; listen to the Seattle Mariners only to name a few.  I'm sure that Dave Neihaus was waiting for you to get there, so you could compare notes and watch the Mariners place at Safeco from the best seat in the house........My oh my!

Facts of Life

Hard to believe but 30 years ago the TV Show with that name was on and lasted almost a decade.  There was Blair, Jo, Tootie and Natalie who were from very different walks of life but came together in the end under the supervision of Mrs Garrett.  I am watching it now and laughing at their antics because I can remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember all the fights they had, the problems, the boyfriends, their adventures. They talked about book banning; the snobs and the people from the wrong side of town working together as well as dealing with each other; those who had a disability such as Geri who had CP; divorced parents and new marriages; death in the family; and even abortion are all things that people can go through as they grow up.  They would have to make decisions that could change their lives forever or affect friends and family.  

Then you saw Jo and Blair graduate from Eastland but it did not mean the girls were apart.  In fact they stayed together in the end because Mrs. Garrett decided to leave Eastland herself and open her own store.  Allowing Natalie and Tootie to become day students instead and all help with the store.  Through all the years we watched other celebrities come in and out such as George Clooney, Megan Follows (Anne of Green Gables), David Spade, and Cloris Leachman adding more to it.

It became one of the top TV programs watched by families and is now seen on various channels and I am glad.  Because those facts of life that the girls were dealing with then are still things that people, especially teenagers deal with today.   Maybe it is time that instead of having to search for reruns of shows we grew up with to watch, there is new shows instead.  Maybe it is time for the major networks like NBC, ABC and CBS to bring back shows that bring families together.  Forget reality, forget crime, forget soap operas, bring back family shows!

Book store vs Kindle/Nook

I guess am old fashioned meaning I believe the best way to read a book is to have it in your hand, being able to flip the pages, turn down a page corner, have it on your bookshelf, and read it 20 million times.  I will go to the bookstore or regular store and browse through the titles, I will go to the library and check out multiple books for free, and I will go to the used book store and look for both new and old titles.  Yesterday I found out something that is unfortunately happening in today's world...my favorite used bookstore is closing its doors at the end of the month because of technology.  The Kindles & Nooks are putting these places out of business.  I just dont understand why.  I mean I do understand but do people not realize that this is what is hurting our economy.  Yes I will admit that I do have a "kindle" but it came on my iPhone and that will be as far as it gets. Okay I admit I use it occasionally to download free books and there is a few books I wanted that were only available on Kindle/Nook.  But I wont go out to spend $100 to $200 on a piece of technology and then have to spend more on books.  Nor do I think the kids need one so I won't buy it.  If they receive it as a gift then great,I won't return it, but I still prefer my kids to actually have paper bounded in their hands.  I even have them reading older books that I found over the years that grace my bookshelf.  Some of those are classics and will never go to be on Kindle/Nook.  I love looking at the old Atlases and seeing how borders have changed over the years. I like seeing old textbooks that some people I know used when they were in school.  I like laughing at some of the Etiquette books from yesteryear with part of me wishing some of those ideals would come back again. 

Why do people want to get rid of some of the things that have been around without question or problems for years?  Why are you frowned upon if you don't have it? Why do you need to have the latest and greatest in technology even when the "older" one still works fine? What is then wrong with being old fashioned?  I will agree with the idea that sometimes technology is great and I don't doubt it, but there also should be a limit to where it can take us and turn us into. For some reason I wonder if the Disney movie Wall-E wasn't really predicting what we are turning ourselves into?

So for as long as I can  I will shy away from Kindle/Nook (as I typed it a commercial came on for Nooks), I will buy those books to put on my bookshelves, I will support the local libraries (for what will happen to them if everything goes electronic?) and I will definitely continue to buy from the local used bookstores. 

Various Notes

Haven't posted recently well just because.  There is no valid reason why I shouldn't be better at doing it because I have had plenty of opportunity just didn't do it. So again I will make myself do it and come up with some better things to talk about as well which fit the title.

College, it is hard, point blank, especially when you are trying to get your Bachelors within a short period of time so you are cramming as many classes as you can.  It doesn't help that you are doing 2 colleges at the same time so when one semester is winding down and final projects plus exams are due, the other college is starting up.  So I have been stressed out, freaked out and now definitely have to color my hair to get out those greys which popped up within the past few weeks.  But that being said I am glad that I am back to school.  Some things have changed and other things have not.  It is allowing me though to realize what I can do and where I can help others.  I know that I have been lucky because I have some incredible professors who are showing me different things and pushing me to where I need to go.

When you are over 40 and think you are getting older yourself you need to remind yourself that if you are then that means your parents are as well.  This month my mom turns 84 and my dad turns 80 (yes I was the after, after, after thought - mom was in her 40s when I was born) and while on both sides of the family those who are senior citizens are very stubborn and refuse to die they will sometime.  So when you have a chance tell them thank you.  Thank you for giving birth to you, raising you, fixing your boo-boos, wiping away the tears, teaching you to ride a bike, helping you to do your homework,  just being there and everything else. You do not know how much longer they will be around so be glad they are.

Was on a diet and then fell off of it and so I need to get back on again.  Another thing that has happened with no valid reason or excuse.  I should have just not stopped doing it so now I am pushing myself to get back on and get into shape as well.   GET GOING CHICK!!!  Cleaning you need to get going on that one as well, you did have some reason on that because of homework but now the final exams and projects for the other college are done so GET GOING CHICK!!!  Then falls in organization and getting rid of stuff because you can do that as well.  Do I need to say it a third time???

Movies what is up with these sequels, remakes and similar plot lines and garbage they are coming out with? Why do we need 2 Snow Whites coming out within a short time of each other? Why did they need to make a movie over the came Battleship?  Why do they need a Men in Black 3? Spiderman who knows what? and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter...Really? Really? Really?  Now I am not saying that some of them should not be coming out because I am can tell you that I am going to be one of the first in line for Expendables 2 because I LOVE a genuine kick-butt movie.  Especially when it has the classic action figures in it - Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, Arnie, Bruce Willis....

That being said if you haven't seen Avenger - GO SEE IT.  Went to it again yesterday with a friend because I needed at break from my homework.   Make sure you stay for the 2 extra pieces, well at least 1.  It is a good movie, with the action and comedy you want, plus the eye candy to look at definitely adds in a bonus.  Thor, Captain America and Hawkeye you can rescue me anytime you want ;)

Military Spouse Appreciation Day

The Friday before Mother's Day is known in the US as Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  It means to recognize those who are or even those who were a military spouse.  It isn't a paying job it is a lifestyle that sometimes you often have no control over.  This means you know all the jobs that a mom/dad has like chauffeur, cook, maid, medic, referee, coach, etc... well add a whole lot more into it like:


1) Moving every few years to a new location anywhere in the world sometimes with less than 30 days notice which means:

2) Packing then unpacking, packing and then unpacking, more packing and unpacking so that means:

3) Having 20 sets of curtains that fit any window, pictures on the wall of every place you have been to, and going from a place that is 900 square feet to 2000 square feet back to 1000 square feet,  which in turn means:

4) Having copies of the medical records from who knows how many hospitals and clinics, along with the kids school records from 10 different schools, and who knows how many pounds of paperwork that you got from each residence for changing addresses.  That means:

5) Your family and friend's address book now no longer has room for you under your last name and has had to put you in another place because you have had so many addresses they have run out of room.  That can mean:

6) When asked where you live you respond by saying "Do you mean where I was born or where I was married? Or maybe do you mean where I lived the longest? Or is it where I was last year? What about where I am actually living now?  which means:

7)  When trying to find a job it is difficult because there is gaps in your resume with the places that you did only volunteer work, or were a stay at home parent, or just couldn't find a job. You have had a hard time getting an education to because those transcripts you have from the 3 colleges you attended haven't yet amounted to a degree.  This in turn means:

8) You know how to shop using coupons, the commissary and the exchange in order to save money because often you are on one income, you belong to coupon exchanges, know 1001 things to do with peanut butter, bread, noodles, soups, no name products, etc...  Which means:

9) You have had to adjust your budget at times from a full family to a family minus 1 then back to a full family.  Then add in the care packages you send constantly along with the letters and the phone calls.  Meaning:

10) You have had to explain to your child(ren) why daddy/mommy isn't home days, weeks and months on end after leaving in the middle of the night; you have had to sleep by yourself trying not to cry; you have had to scramble to be both the mom and the dad; you have had to do all the paperwork, packing, unpacking, and everything else to move on your own.  This means:

You are part of an elite group of men and women who have served their countries in a different way by making sure the homefront was kept running so those who were in the military could concentrate on their job.  You have made friends who became part of your family.  Sometimes they have been with you helping you along the way in person and other times from a distance away.  There has been friends who only lasted for a short time while others have been there from the beginning.  Some friends you have never met and never will but that doesn't mean they do not care about you any less and will stop giving you support necessary at the time.  That is part of not just a group, a FAMILY.  A family that is unique, one-of-a-kind, special, there no matter what.   That is a family of MILITARY SPOUSES!!

Last month

Last month, I celebrated an anniversary by myself, an anniversary that is different.  It wasn’t a wedding anniversary, or a first date anniversary or anything like that. It was 22nd anniversary of life. When I was 20 years old, I had a cerebral aneurysm, aka a stroke and nearly died. It isn’t something I really talk about to many people, not everyone knows, I tend to keep it that way.

But back to the beginning, I had been getting headaches for awhile, especially when playing soccer, one game I took about 8 extra strength Tylenol (played goalie) and nothing worked. A few days later I went to practice and the headache was so bad I threw up numerous times, went home and then mom took me to ER. I was told I had pulled a muscle, given a neck brace, Tylenol with codeine and sent home. Nothing else was done, a few days later I felt fine, took it easy and then played the last soccer game of the season. About 2 weeks later I was out one night with a friend, said to her something along the lines of I don’t feel so well and then collapsed having a seizure. She yelled out for help and was just ignored by all because I guess they thought I was drunk. A young kid helped and told her to go call 911 (cell phones weren’t around then), luckily the ambulance that arrived had EMTs that knew what had happened and took me immediately to the hospital and told the staff there. They handled it well apparently and immediately called for the neuro staff. The main neurosurgeon wasn’t there but out of town doing work in a small town. So they waited before operating for the swelling to go down. It did and I came out of the surgery alright, the surgeon was one of the best in Canada. I laugh when I heard the story later that while I was in ICU they had to strap me down because I would pull the gloves off my hands with my teeth and pull out my IV according to a nurse there (I hated needles then now they don’t phase me) when she finally saw me do it before that they had no idea how it happened. I spent around 3 weeks in the hospital in total which was a miracle in itself, but they figured it was because I was young, in good shape and lots of prayers from around the world. I had minimum recovery time as well, I had to do physiotherapy for awhile but it was speech therapy that took the longest. I knew that when it was pointed out it was a button but said bread instead. In the end it wasn’t my speech therapist that helped me it was playing word games like Boggle and Scrabble that did. I was lucky to still have a job to go back to and lots of support from family and friends.

Why am I talking about this it is I think because of what I see in the US when it comes to medical. While this happened in Canada and I do have problems I have to live with the rest of my life. Lost partial sight in my left eye, required 4 surgeries, and when I am really tired my eye lid droops  (trust me they love me for using as an example when it comes to going to opthamologists I am usually their only case, so I become the patient all the interns see so they know what to look for).  Just like I will have speech issues at times when I say the wrong word when I know the right one.  Or that I have memory issues which does come with age too but in my case it just makes me more forgetful at times. All these things are just ones that I deal with one day at a time, nothing more can be done.   I could have sued the hospital because of misdiagnosis and been set for life. I am often asked why I didn’t. My response was because I know that doctors are human. They are not perfect, they make mistakes, and sometimes it is that mistake that helps them learn. My mother was a nurse and so are several friends and even then didn’t think it was that because it showed signs of other things. My own personal doctor then was heartbroken that she didn’t see it herself. Suing the doctor and hospital wouldn’t have accomplished anything, instead what was needed was received instead, an apology. They admitted they were wrong and now could do a better diagnosis of other patients and maybe run more tests if necessary.

So you really have to look at the big picture is suing them worth it? What will be the repercussions in the end? Because often the money that they pay you could instead been used somewhere else. It could have been used to make sure that problem doesn’t happen to anyone else. It could be used to help keep the cost of medical/hospitalization down. Why do you think the costs of medical have risen so much in the US? It is because the doctors and hospitals need to recoup some of that money. They can’t run every test on you and they can’t give always you a correct diagnosis of something that could be 20 different things in the end. But they can make sure that the options are open to you, maybe give you a second or third test because it is lower in cost, and who knows what else. I am not saying that every lawsuit should be stopped, but what I am saying is that sometimes is it really necessary? Sure it might have been preventable but how much did it really damage you as a person? Our society has become so money hungry that often the true purpose is forgotten, life as it is. Is all that money really necessary to have in your pocket? Is it really going to help you get where you want to get? Or is it going to be paid out in huge lawyer fees and medical costs that weren’t there before? Having a bigger house or a fancy car? Having relatives you didn’t know you had come out of the wood work? You honestly have to look and decide what is better for you as a person, sometimes you just have to let it go and move on. Letting that be in the past and move on towards a better future not just for yourself, but for others as well.

Online Forums/Group Friends

Do you belong to one? Specifically military ones? Some have come and gone, others have gone through changes and reconstruction, while others have just stayed the same. All in all I have belonged to a lot over the years, I started out with Yahoo groups but even those have gone by the wayside, now it seems that forums are the place to be and get information. You can gain a lot of information and make friends through these places, but you can also lose friends and make enemies. Yes some are gossip sessions and a fight might start between a few posters, but others while have their ups and downs are the best place to be. You can gain so much information from them from PCSing itself, to pay matters, to an actual base/post/city, to the latest news, branch specific questions and everything in between. There is several online forums that are major and have large groups of people on them, mainly spouses in a few and Active, Reservist or Retirees in others. They have grown and fallen and then rebuilt again. But the information you can get has never stopped it is still there.

You can make friends through this groups and forums as well. Some you already have met and it grows from there; others you will meet at one place or another; while others you will be nothing more than online friends and never get the chance to really know each other. I have friends in all 3 categories. I have become reacquainted with girls & guys I knew before and had the chance to meet again. Other ones I have gotten the opportunity to meet and become even better friends with, friends we will be for life. The final ones I have known for years but never have and probably never will meet them. But that doesn’t change the way we feel about each other and what we mean to each other. We are part of a group, a special group that is there for each other no matter what, through thick and thin, good times and bad, a shoulder to cry on when something happens and a person to applaud when an accomplishment is made. These friends have helped me a lot over the years and I have helped them I hope. Sometimes it can just take that little bit of encouragement to help you or them feel better, the right thing to say, the necessary information, just an online expression like a happy face or a joke to make you laugh.

These friends can be in your life for a short time and other times they can be in there for long time even for life. They can be younger or older than you. They can be closer to you than your own family even tough they have no blood or marriage relation to you at all.

They are part of a sisterhood, your sisters