What is abuse?

Abuse is something you never want to talk about, it is something you never want to hear about, and it is something that you swear you will never allow to happen to you. But unfortunately it is something that does happen more frequently than you would imagine and to people you know. What is abuse? When you hear that question you automatically think of being hit, slaps, punches, etc... But it is NOT. Abuse can also include emotion, economical, psychological, verbal and mental. According to the US Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) domestic violence is the "pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner It "can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender", and can include physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional, economic, and psychological abuse.

With those in the military sometimes it can stem from what they have gone through especially with multiple deployments and no diagnosis of PTSD. The mood swings, the emotional changes, the expectations, the stress, and everything else can bottle up and come out one day out of no where. There is help if it is needed that you can get what you have to do is take the first step to getting it. You are not alone, it is not your fault, you are not what he/she makes you to be. You can be a better person if you just realize that the best option is to get out of the relationship whether temporary or permanent.

The following information is available on multiple forums/boards and will give you links to where you can get help.

Domestic Violence is not a subject that we like to hear about or go through. Unfortunately it is something that is happening in the military because of several factors including PTSD. There is help out there if you do need it.

Definition of Domestic Violence - is a pattern of many behaviors directed at achieving and maintaining power and control over an intimate partner, such as physical violence, emotional abuse, isolation of the victim, economic abuse, intimidation, and coercion and threats.

If someone is abusing you or someone in your household, you do not have to accept it—even if your spouse is the abuser. The police and courts can help you stop the abuse.

Each branch of the military has a program that can respond to domestic violence cases and is often the first place for members and families in this situation to go before seeking help from the civil or criminal courts. Such programs offer counseling and command involvement for incidents of domestic violence.

If you are in a situation in your marriage where there is domestic violence taking place (which can include economic, verbal, mental, emotional and physical abuse) then there is help.

If you and your spouse live on base (or even if you do not) you may be able to get a Military Protective Order which functions similarly to a protective order issued by civilian authorities. Make sure that the Military Protective Order is forwarded to civilian authorities and any protective orders issued by civilian authorities are forwarded to the Military Police. Both types of orders may be enforceable on and off a military installation depending on how they are prepared and the procedures followed.



http://www.americanbar.org/portals/public_resources/aba_home_front/information_center/family_law/domestic_violence/impact_of_military_service.html - this is a place to start where it will give you some ideas on what can help you.

The following are other links that can help you as well:


http://www.thehotline.org - National Domestic Violence Hotline - this includes a confidential weblink to the site that is protected

http://www.americanbar.org/groups/domestic_violence.html - American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence

http://www.ovw.usdog.gov - US Department of Justice Office on Domestic Violence Against Women (just like the phone line confidential and it will not be viewable on your computer history)

Who are you?

I mean really when you are looking at your self what are you looking at? Are you looking at yourself the way you believe other people are looking at you? Are you looking at yourself the way you think you look? Or are you looking at yourself the way you REALLY are? During our lives we will view ourselves in the mirrors so many different ways and more often than not they are not the way we look at all. We sometimes look at ourselves the way we think people look at us because we think we know what they are saying. Even though 99% of the time what they are thinking is so different to what we think it is. We can't read their minds and they can't read ours (okay moms are the exception on this one because we all swear they can and have eyes in the back of their heads) We look at ourselves as looking ugly, too fat, too skinny, the wrong size in all the wrong places, the wrong skin color and everything else. So we use clothes, makeup, surgery, hair color, and who knows what else to make ourselves look different. All these things we do so we stand out, let people notice us, and make a good impression even though all those things are not necessary at all.

What does that mean? We are own worse critic. If we honestly looked at ourselves in the true manner then we would see an incredible person, who is beautiful/handsome, fun to be around, a friend, a lover, a role model, an inspiration, a scholar, and an special individual. For that is who we really are. We just have to remember that, as the old saying goes, beauty is within.

I have chosen this picture because it is something that I look at myself when I need to lately seems more than before with things that have happened. It reminds me of the simple things in life, the innocence, the honest beauty that is around us which we often forget. A place without the commercials, the makeup, the attempt to stand out. Instead it reminds me that I just have to be me, nothing more.

What is our world coming to

because right now I am feeling so lost in what is happening to it. We live in a small town that isn't on the outskirts of a big city but still close enough. We have a strong military presence. We are surrounded by greenery, trees, parks, and mountains that when viewed wash away the gray day feelings. But our small county has been hit really hard in the past few days, even the months before that it seem to have problems too.

Incident #1 - Tuesday night a man calls 911 and turns himself into police for killing an older man.

Incident #2 - Wednesday afternoon an 8 year old girl gets SHOT while in school getting ready to leave. The gun was in the backpack of a 9 year old boy. Yes NINE years old and he has a gun. Apparently he was trying to run away from home and got the gun when visiting his mom this past weekend. He is going to be charged with 3rd degree assault, unlawful possession of a firearm, and bringing a weapon onto school property. (Note this is the THIRD incident this school year that a gun was brought onto school property, 2 other cases happened on different days at different schools by different students).

Incident #3 - Thursday morning a State Trooper was killed when he did a routine traffic stop. They spent the morning searching for the suspect while a family, co-workers, and community mourned the loss of a good man. There was a suspect and he apparently killed himself this morning as police were going to enter his residence.

The scary part is that it didn't start with just these, there has been another murder that is linked to a murder and attempted murder last year; several robberies; attempted robberies; a man shot by police after receiving 911 calls after shots fired; selling of drugs; embezzlement; selling illegal firearms; fires; and the list continues IN THE MONTH OF FEBRUARY alone. Yes we do have incidents like this happen in our county but NOT in the span of 1 month and that hasn't even added in all the things that happened in January or in 2011.

Nor does this talk about all the things that are happening outside our county, what is happening in other areas, big cities where crime was already a problem. This doesn't still answer the question of what is our world coming to. If anything it makes you reflect and ask this question instead...is this a sign from our Heavenly Father?

Yesteryear

This summer will be my 25th High School Reunion. Am I excited about it? Yes in some ways I am because I wasn't able to make it to the other ones before. It will be great to see some of my classmates beyond what I see on Facebook. There was some incredible times in school because in our school we were treated as adults, so we acted that way. We didn't have bells ending classes or telling us to go to another class, our lockers were in a common area, and some classrooms were just separated by foam boards, not actual standard walls. Yes we had jocks, headbangers, nerds, etc.. but you know what we all got along with each other, we were not separated like many are today because of their "class" in society. Yes there was also some "enemies" when in school people we didnt all get along with. But as we grew up really so did our attitudes. We worked beyond it and are now friends because we realized it was over something stupid 99.9999% of the time.

With all these reunions, bringing back clothes & styles from before, re-doing classic movies from that time, rereleasing songs all make me wonder why it is happening? Is it because those 80s were actually a really good decade? We had that technology starting up; we had the innocence but not; the tv shows on were family oriented; the entertainment was incredible in music and movies; and the lists continue. But we can never bring that back, we can never recreate that time again even though we want to, and we can never be young again except in our hearts and our memories. Sometimes we need to remember that in order to keep ourselves from falling back into the same old grove. We need to remember to keep walking forward. We need to make strides towards where we are heading for or where we can continue being.

Not every woman....

Not every woman has the grace of going back to before baby weight or whose hips haven't adjusted.

Not every woman has ever fit into sizes below 8 either.

Not every woman wants to wear jeans and T-shirts all the time.

Not every woman wants to have clothes that even her mother or grandmother refuse to wear.

Not every woman wants to dress up fancy.

Not every woman wants or can spend big bucks to buy good clothing.

Not every woman wants to wear clothes that take her back to her teenage years.

Do you get where this message is going?? Yes clothes. Why is it so difficult to find clothes these days for the standard normal woman? When I say normal woman I mean over the age of 25 but younger than 90 and not a size 0. I am not dishing those women at all, I have some who are friends and family and I love them. I wish I could be like that but I can't nor do I want to in some ways. Yes I did gain weight after I got married and I am working to get closer back to it again. But all in all my clothing size hasn't changed much it is still between 10 and 12 depending on the cut. The choices that we have to wear are so limited at times and it becomes so frustrating.

Am I asking too much?? For reasonably priced clothes? Casual but a little dressy? Not flashy but not contemporary? Can fit the normal average woman to make her look and feel good? Something that doesn't fall apart after a few washings?

I know I am dreaming because this isn't something new at all, it has been going on for the last decade or so and I know I am not the only one that feels this way at all. I have talked to friends and they feel the same way too. I mean I love wearing jeans and a t-shirt but I want something beyond that. Am I asking too much??? I don't think so. And it also brings to fact that maybe part of the problem is that when we see advertisements for clothes the models are ladies who in so many ways are not average.

ETA: Today I saw this article on Yahoo news about the fact that in the US most women are size 14 and a commercial by Levi Jeans. Brings to point that what we see on TV, magazines, etc. is not the normal everyday person, especially a woman http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/jeans-ad-sparks-controversy-levis-models-come-other-202400157.html

Two things

First do you remember talking to your imaginary friend as a child? Sometimes we had them and sometimes we didn't. We were told that we had to stop talking to them, that we had to grow up and needed to find real friends. So as adults there are people that have now been put into hospitals or institutions, put in straight jackets, put on meds and are told they are crazy because they talk to themselves. But why are they there and called that but we do it and are called normal? I mean we talk to ourselves while in the car and another person cuts us off or is driving to slow or is tailgating us. We can talk to ourselves when we are walking down the street, when we are trying to figure out a problem, when we are cleaning, when we are cooking, when we are alone and just about any other time in our life. I say this because I found myself tonight on the way to the movie theater talking to myself about the car in front of me. I stopped and then just shook my head thinking about how dumb it was. It also gave me an idea to write about it tonight, seeing we are supposedly going looney when we go over the age of 40. It also make me wonder just how normal are we? What exactly is normal?

Second if you get a chance go see the movie "This Means War" starring Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine, and Tom Hardy. It is an action comedy so it fits both a chick flick and a guy movie and I really wish they made more like this. I love Reese in movies, bubbly personality, makes you laugh and she is a great actress. Then Chris Pine with his incredible blue eyes and a smile that can melt anyone (who if you didn't know his dad is Robert Pine who played Sarge in CHiPs another awesome series and they actually even mention the show in the movie) who I can't wait to see in the next Star Trek movie. Then there is the newbie Tom Hardy a Brit that has burst onto the action movie scene with Warrior and now this, but apparently does have a softer side to him somewhere. All in all, GREAT movie, laughing so hard it brought tears to my eyes at times and the crowd loved it as well. It is one I will definitely be buying on DVD when it comes out.

But the one thing it did go to was a side that you don't see often, a woman dating two men at the same time. It seems to me almost a double standard still like an older woman with a younger man. It seems men can do it with playing the field and then they get the slap on the back and told "cool dude," "way to go," and the good old standby "What a man!!". But if a woman does it then it isn't acceptable at all, she can be called all sorts of names that aren't something you would say to your mother. Why is that? Why is it okay for guys to do it but not women? Now I am not saying that it is something that everyone should do but the fact that no matter how far we have advanced in our way of life, our technology, and our society, things that women do are still no longer allowed when it should be. What will it take for them to be accepted more?

Education

There was a time when you could get away with one or the other to get a decent job. Sometimes the experience was better than an education you could have received because it was hands on. Other times that education was better because you were up to date on things that were necessary. These days as our world advances in technology, so do the expectations of being employed. I never dreamed that I would have such a problem in finding a job beyond working at McDonalds or a Department Store or another minimum wage job in the world today. I thought that while it might be a little bit hard it would not be impossible. But it has become that way and I am not alone as there is so many people who are my in my generation and above that are going through the same problem. Many of these people have been laid off from jobs they had a long time. Or they are moms who are trying to go back to work as their kids have grown. Or maybe it is military wives/ex-wives who didn't have a chance before because of the constant moving and being a mother/father during long deployments. Plus adding into it the tuition, the books needed, the requirement to go back to basics (math/english), paying for child care or working around the schedule and the list continues.

Those are not excuses for not having a degree but they are factors, over time these factors do add up and sometimes that is what stops the employment from happening. Education is important for everyone and I have lucky in that when I was 19/20 I did an Office Administration course which were able to transfer to the local community college that I transferred to along with some other online classes I have did when the kids and I were in Florida for a year. But I still had to go back to the basics of Math and English things I haven't done in years. The good news is now that I can help my kids with their homework when before I was going "HUH????" All this helped towards me qualifying for an Associates of the Arts (couldn't decide then along with transfer credits) Where will that get me now? Well a small step in the door but awhile to go before I can do something I want to. What is that?

Help others in my situation. I honestly wish there was a grant/scholarship available to people in this area, they need help going back to school but also to pay the bills at home. Why can't there be a grant/scholarship that pays for your tuition, books & supplies but also the rent, utilities, & gas to get to school. Offer help in finding employment, counseling, things that are needed. I would love to set up a fund for that, with the stipulation that it has to be paid forward whether it is a donation back to the scholarship or by doing volunteer work. Available to people who can't afford college but aren't able to qualify for help either. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Something to really consider as I continue to walk down that path that I am being lead down.

Being an Aunt

Aunts can be special women in your lives. They can help you grow up, take you to movies, parks, or any other treat and spoil you rotten when they have the chance. They can be a good influence in your life as well because you see them as a grown up (usually), see what women can achieve in their lives, and be an inspiration to do things that you did not always think were possible. They can be your sounding block, to bounce your ideas off of. They can advise you in certain things especially if they need an honest opinion. They can also be your confidant. The person that you can call anytime of day or night without question, tell things to and know that you can trust them.

Being an Aunt sounds like a big job and it is at times. It can be complex while being innocent, hard while being great, frustrating but complete. But you know what I wouldn't trade it for the world.


When I was 13 I became an Aunt, a few months later shortly after my 14th birthday I became an Aunt again. In both cases they were very special beautiful baby girls. At 15 I became an Aunt again to another girl, 2 years later the count was Girls 5, Boys 0 that was until February when a nephew finally joined. Four years later another boy so Boys 2, Girls 5 it looked like there could be a catch up especially when one sister and my sister in law were due within months of each other. But sorry boys, it became Boys 2, Girls 7!!! Finally though another boy joined the mist, then my own son, then another boy, and another boy it looked like it was getting close. Well on the same day my daughter was born, so was a niece (4 hours apart). Finally my sister closes out the realms a year later with twin girls. Bringing that total to Girls 10; Boys 5! Sorry boys the only way it looked like they could catch up was through marriage because my oldest niece got married. It wasn't long before another one did and another one and another one and another one, so 5 of my girls got married and evened it up so now it is 10 and 10. Well marriage means more babies so then I became a GREAT AUNT!! Sniff that was hard to take, my babies were having babies!!! I mean I knew I was great but now it was confirmed but with one boy, then another, a girl, then a boy so now it was Boys 13; Girls 11. Guess 13 is an unlucky number for the boys because the other day on February 13th I became an Aunt again to a precious little girl.

Through all of this, I love each and every one (even the nephews in law) because they are unique in their own special way. I don't get to see them as much as I would like to. I was able to as a teenager and young adult spend a lot of time with the older ones and I honestly do wish that I could have spent more time with the younger ones some of which are teenagers now. But miles kept us apart so the time we do have together is very precious. Being a Great Aunt has taken new meaning in the past few years. I was a great Aunt before but now it is done by my babies having babies. Watching their babies and my own kids grow up has made me realize how special time can be. Seeing their smile, a glint of mischief in their eyes, watching the sleep, or seeing them accomplish something. All of these things adds another precious memory to my mind. This is one part of being over 40 years old that I would never change.

My Wii is right!

Want to know why? Because today according to the Wii Fit Plus I am really 33 :) One day last week it told me I was 21 in fact except for a few days it always tells me that I am younger than my age through the daily fitness test. (Of course it also helped that it told my son who is 13 that he was 24! That would have meant I was 9 when I had him which in some ways women love to hear that they don't look old enough to have a child that age) So see here is another reason to believe that you still have life after 40. Because while you might be 40 and above in age it doesn't mean that you have to be that way mentally or physically.

I am a strong believer in the saying you are always a child in your heart. I think it is important to do that at times. To stop thinking about things in the complicated adult manner, to remember what it was like as a child, to have some of the innocence back, have dreams, and most important to have an imagination. As a parent you are always trying to be an adult we can easily forget about that. We can try to be too responsible, to strict, to much of a parent not remembering what it was like to be a child. We need to bring ourselves down to their level sometimes not just in height but in manner. If that means to play a video game, tickle them senseless, play a board game, throw a snowball or anything else and be a kid ourselves. Especially in our world today when there seems to be so much more required mentally, physically and emotionally for a child compared to when we were growing up. Don't you remember the days of playing outside until it got dark, riding our bikes everywhere, playing kick-the-can, only have 13 channels if you were lucky on the TV you had to get up and change the channel, and when the house only had one phone.

Oh to be a kid again sometimes it sounds like wishful thinking but is it really? Is it wrong to remember those good old days? Is it wrong to have that imagination back? is it wrong to want to be a kid? No of course not because you are always a kid at heart.

What is up with the remakes?

Growing up in the 70s and 80s there was great TV programs and movies. I guess they were so great that in today's society they are being remade. Why I have no idea. Why ruin a masterpiece? Why try to take a classic and redo it? Why are have you stopped using your own ideas for movies? Have people become so desperate for a time when things seemed so good, so easy, so clean, so innocent that they want to bring it back. The following is a link to a list of 50 (YES 50!!) movies that have been remade or are being considered. Some of which just blow me away because you really do have to ask why again and again and again. http://www.nextmovie.com/blog/upcoming-movie-remakes/

Then there is the TV shows that are being made into movies which isn't something new but it will be interesting to see how they go. There was some good ones in the past that have been done with taste compared to those ones that were not done right at all. My example is Dukes of Hazzard, it was a great TV show, but the movie bite the bullet and stunk. The only decent part was Willie Nelson playing Uncle Jesse Daisy Duke will always be a brunette not Jessica Simpson. If they had really wanted this movie to be done the right way then they should have picked the Wilson brothers (Owen and Luke) to play Bo and Luke Duke. Then for Daisy maybe someone like Courtenay Cox would have been so much better. I would have watched it then.

Would you like to know I wrote about this subject today? That is because while watching TV with the kids in one of the new shows Victorious on Nickelodeon there was spoof of the Breakfast Club called the Breakfast Bunch. There was so many things in it I had to admit I laughed so hard at times. They took it in the way it could be done, quick 30 minute show that used their talents including the remake of the song.

But sometimes things are better off left alone, not remade, not re-released with other things in it, just left the way it was done the first time and age with grace....a classic. Which is what you can be after you turn 40, not remade, not "re-released", just aging with grace becoming a classic.

Contrary to belief

you don't die when you turn the age of 40, you don't automatically lose hair, get wrinkles, sag all over, qualify for Social Security or anything else. Although according to the "kid" in my Sociology class this week we are old when he was describing how he was offering to help this "old" lady pump gas one day. When asked how old (many of us picturing a woman in her 60s/70s) he said her 30s/40s. Let's just say heads were shaken, a few boos and even the Professors rolled her eyes because she is in her 30s. If teenagers think the 30s/40s are old age what do they think people twice that age are dead?

The age of Aquarius, Woodstock, man landing on the moon, JFK, Martin Luther King Jr, Twiggy, and don't forget Sesame Street started and it keeps on going all things that happened in the 60s, 40 years ago. You can look at women in their 40s right now - Halle Berry (1966); Julia Roberts (1967); Nicole Kidman (1967); Courtenay Cox (1964); and Sarah Jessica Parker (1965). Many of these ladies we watched in movies so they were growing up as we did and how we wanted to be in their shoes sometimes. They went from young beautiful young ladies to knockout women who still have it all. Then there is the guys, who would think that the geek/young Randy from Loverboy would turn into McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy (Patrick Dempsy who is in his 40s). Then there is Johnny Depp bad boy from 21 Jump Street to bad boy Pirate; George Clooney young teenager in Facts of Life to major movies; babyface Chris O'Donnell; and the list keeps on going. I honestly think that these men look better in their 40s than they did in their 20s.

Is that not then more proof that life really can begin in the 40s? So you have to look at your age like you would a glass of water. Is the glass half-empty or half-filled?? In my mind it is half-filled because when you look at it at 40 you still haven't lived half your life yet so you still have time to do those things you did dream of but haven't had time to do. Madonna definitely proved that when she performed last weekend at the Super Bowl, singing and dancing all over the stage and she is 53! If she can do that, then I can do anything! So I am definitely going to start living a lot more now that I have gone over the age of 40!